Dear Luv,
Dear Luv,
I failed, you know. I failed in controlling my anger. I need anger management lesson.
Dear Luv,
How's life there? Have you had fun?
I have fun here. Am happy for I have found my prince of charming, he'll the one to be by my side for the rest of my life, hopefully.
However am in anger, to myself. So I need time to make peace with myself. Part of me insisted to keep the ego, other part told me to let go. I'm in my own war. All I need is run to a place where I can scream outloud and meet you there to simply hear your saying 'hey'. Will he understand this the way you understand me? I'm afraid to keep searching for your broken smile in his. I'm scared of my own choice, for the first time of my life I fight against my own dream. And I miss you badly. I want to tell you what's going on in my mind and be in your big warm hug, settle me and calm me.
If to have him means bading adieu to the dream that I've raised for these ten fuckin' years, I'll do, I'll say goodbye to the dream. Just gimme time to make peace with myself. And I need some other sentimental things to help me letting go of that dream. Hell yes you knew what it is. It's the dream that I used to share with you. All I want in life is go to school and wandering Indonesia. And after all is said and done, I'll come home and settle. Is it to difficult to ask for?
If I have my last chance to go out and walk the path I used to dream of, I'll do that without leaving him. But I need, damn need his smile. I can't do this alone, for God sake, I can't for I have settled my heart in his.
still figure everything out...
luv,
-onk-
Dear Luv,
Howdy?
I don't wanna grow up. You knew it well. But today, I realize something, I have to grow up.
I fall in love with him, the way I fell in love with you years ago --and I love you still, apparently. He doesn't ask me to grow up, but I have to. He said I don't have to, but I know I have to for the choice I chose.
Well maybe it's about the time. It's him who made me tell myself to change, though he doesn't change me. It's him, not you. I don't say it's easy. It's damn hard for me to get my ass out of my childhood world.
Now I walk out to neverland...
luv,
-onk-
Dear Luv,
Gunungsitoli lagi mendung nih, smoga ujan soalnya udah 2 minggu enggak hujan, persediaan air udah abis dan kami terpaksa beli dari PDAM, water trucking.
Tadi malam baru aja balik dari Lahewa, di sana sempat memainkan hobi lama yg udah lama gak kulakukan: memainkan emosi orang hahaha... I did some sweet revenge to some folks that deserved a lesson about little life stuffs. Oh well, it’s not important to be told here. I did it for friends anyway.
Sebentar lagi kami pulang dari Nias, hmm... klo liat anak2 pada packing gini rasanya sedih juga. Bukannya enggak kerasa, kerasa banget malah, 8 bulan di Nias sungguh unutterable experience. Bitter sweet stuffs blend in one place. Banyak yang udah terjadi di Nias, ya seneng ya sedih ya smua-muanya.
Oh ya, my relationship with my sunshine has finally ended. No don't worry, it was clean, neat and easy. After had contemplation and fermentation with cointreau and red label I decided to give in. I finally able to call him and spilled the beans (when cointreau didn't help, try red label). We did not walk the path better. We simply walked in different paths and got far from each other even more. Am fine, we’re fine. We knew we’d get to this point someday—which was that day. We finally departed through different terminals on different flights, we’re on the way to find our soulmates.
