rudjak series: 10 years and counting

"You are a blast to the past, a present to the present, and a treasure to the future," quoted from Aree, salah seorang "wanita penghibur" yang menyadarkan betapa kaya diriku.

Dear Luv,

It was an after-rain-evening, neither cold nor warm. The food was plain yet the words were spoken well. At that moment I realized how rich I am, to have such friends. It was a total happiness. Kami bicara banyak, dari pentingnya nampang di sebuah sudut unik kota New York sampai ke "what is happiness?"

Percakapan kemudian mengalir ke sebuah topik, di antara tawa dan intermezzo sederhana. Tentang seorang yang narsis, tentang seorang yang "sakit", tentang seorang yg building allies utk menyerang orang lain, tentang seorang teman. Was it a friend, anyway? It depends on how you define "friend".

Ternyata ada juga orang yang sangat merasa perlu utk menyatakan eksistensinya, tentu saja menurutku karena ia tidak pernah memperoleh pengakuan. Oh well, pengakuan mungkin banyak, tapi yang memenuhi kepuasannya? Uhm... For me it just another form of addiction.

Sedangkan untuk menjawab "what is happiness?", aku merasa tidak berhak. Pertama karena to define happiness is a personal privilege. Second, how can I tell about happiness when I can't give the proof in an absolute statement or material? So it's totally your call.

The next thing was "what is success?" A friend believe that it is a matter of having a lot of money and having a happy family. Another friend said that it was a matter of having a very rich husband and a lot of money. The other said that it was a matter of what you achieve in your own standard. Well, again, it's your call.

Dan selain itu aku lupa, mungkin karena terbasuh derai tawa yang membuat perutku kram semalaman, mungkin karena aku terlalu berusaha mengingatnya, mungkin karena janin di perutku membuatku lupa akan hampir semua hal lainnya, ah entahlah. Jadi biarkan pembicaraan kaya itu menari saja dulu di sel-sel otakku sebelum kumuntahkan kembali di sini untukmu. Ya, untukmu dan masih akan untukmu.

Luv,

-onk-

Godspeed sist!

Dear Luv,

Hujan masih turun, hmm... I think it's a good sign. Hujan akan membasuh rinduku and keep me warm. Aku sudah pada titik tidak peduli. Kalau memang sampai di sini ya sudah, I'll ask no more. Hidup tetap indah seperti adanya. Like what I've said to the world, if he's good enough for me then he'll stay. Someday there'll be one prince charming that is meant to be mine.

Oh by the way, I have a good news. Lindo will defend her thesis tomorrow... eventually. It's great, isn't? Oh am so happy. And I believe all folks are joining this happiness too hehehw... Godspeed sist!

Barusan Txa texted me, katanya internet providernya lg error, hmm... no chat with her tonight then. Padahal dku pengen tau apa tanggapannya tentang kado ultahnya dariku hehehw... eh udah dia terima blm ya? hmm...

Have I told you about the posters I made? Am done 2, kurang satu lagi. Fiuh! Mau dipasang di baliho buat gantiin AIDS campaign yang udah nampang sejak December lalu. Kasian penduduk Gunungsitoli pasti udah bosen abis liatnya hehehw... makanya demi pemandangan mereka rada fresh, kami bikinkan new campaign materials, still on health though.

hmm... wanna start reading Pride and Prejudice tp kok males ya? hehehw... dari kemaren pengen doank abis beberapa halaman langsung give up, payah!


what should I do?
luv,
-onk-

ps: the draft designs of posters are there, please have a look and tell me what d'ya think.

what a ...?

Dear Luv,

Kemarin pagi tiba-tiba seorang teman bertanya padaku:

Teman: kamu masih sama cowokmu?
Aku: masih. why?
Teman: Gpp, cuma mau nembak kamu.
Aku: ??
Teman: still there?
Aku: wait. need time to laugh
Teman: why?
Aku: kita kan gak saling kenal. what if am a lesbian or a murderer?
Teman: gak lucu. kita kan udah kenal lama. Apa gak cukup?
Aku: seriously
Teman: am serious. Aku suka sama perhatian yg kamu berikan ke aku.
Aku: what? perhatian wajar sebagai teman kali. well, thanks for asking.
Teman: am not just asking. jadi?
Aku: jangan becanda deh. we're not in love
Teman: ya terserah pendapatmu aja deh
Aku: ??
...

Dan sampai sekarang tidak ada komunikasi lagi dengannya. Aaarggh! Mungkin dia marah, padahal aku suka berteman dengannya. Dia temen ngobrol yang asik. Maybe someday he'll understand that I need to get to know him better before get in love with him.


what is love anyway.
luv,
-onk-

he loves her... he loves her not...

Dear Luv,

Last night a best friend of me --and you- was crying. She told me things about what she got after months... even years of trust. It came to pass that her trust has been breached by a good--if not best-- friend of her, who is a good friend of me and you too. Our friend.

Things that a --good, if not best-- friend does. So dirty I could throw it away. So hurtful I would have cried for her. I just couldn't stand hearing her cried tears of ... things that a friend wouldn't do.

The love has spread its wings for nothing.

And I will tell you about the things she cried. In near time when we meet. In a cozy lounge of books and coffee.


I'll see you there!
luv,
-onk-

Happy New Year!

January 03, 2008

Dear Luv,

Happy New Year!
Sugeng Warsa Enggal!

It's 2008.
December has passed and yet I said nothing about the question. Like I said months ago, moment nya udah lewat, pertanyaan itu udah keselip entah di antara lembar-lembar cerita yang menumpuk berdebu di sudut angan.

Ah sudahlah, mari memulai tahun yang baru dengan resolusi baru. Hmm... speaking of resolution, niatnya sih mo kontemplasi di tempat libur kemarin tp pada kenyataannya eh malah bermain air ria haha... kehujanan gtu loh. Jd resolusi dibuat dalam hati saja. Isi resolusiku taon ini gak jauh beda dengan tahun lalu kok, cuma level kepentingannya lebih urgent wekwkqkq... Ya secara Ibunda udah wanti-wanti, so I must get hurry.

Aannywaaay, liburan kemaren berhasil kami lalui dengan baik, sehat dan... fun...fun..fun!! despite the long way to go, cost and flood along the way... we really...really... had fun!
Hmm... poto-potonya menyusul yakk, soalnya blom sempat download dari kamera. waah... last trip was really fun. Psstt... I bought a new gown, it's maroon .

Gotta split, masih mo nerusin kerjaan sebentar sebelum siap-siap buat reunian kita ntar malam hehe... can't wait to meet you, smoga kamu jadi datang.

luv,
-onk-

99ers Rock!

June 25, 2007 -- my corner.


Dear my muses: Luv (and Lust),

...
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
--credit to ColdPlay--
...


It's a blue day, after a rocking nite. Mungkin karena kebanyakan ketawa tadi malam, hari ini perutku rasanya aneh. Semalam memang menyenangkan, kumpul sama some 99ers yang "masih" gila juga. Ada Dences yang wise and udah mirip om-om (hehe... maap Den), eh udah tunangan bo! Kapan married-nya yakk? Yukss... Lalu ada Siemces yang yaah masih gitu-gitu aja, gak berubah coy masih asoy geboy melambai tambah parah aja tu anak. Btw makasih ya nek, semalam udah jd such a nice tukang ojek wekqkqkq... PakDhe Bau eh Bayu yang masih jorse alias jorok sekaleee... aduh amit-amit deh, yang dioperasi di bagian mana eh yang dicukur bagian apa. Lagian kasian deh, mosok keperjakaan terenggut oleh pain killer siih?! please deh. Sebenernya ceritanya gak lucu-lucu amat, cuman cara dia cerita itu yang bikin perut kram karena kbanyakan ketawa. Ponksye yang telat tp sempet kebagian satu frame hehe... what can I say bout this guy, still a big belly bastard he... Betsye, aduh partnerku yang bandit ini udah mo married next Dec waa... udah siap? wkqkqkq... Cik Yen, hehe... nona ini udah kebelet married tp dimana TO-mu eniwei? sabar ya bu, Tuhan membuat segala sesuatunya indah pada waktunya kok (mm.. at least begitu kata Pengkhotbah). Duo fun fearless female versi kelas E yaitu Vader dan Tiwul, hehe... hola sista! Tentu saja Vader masih sibuk memprovokasi semua orang dan tidak bertanggung jawab atas aksinya, sedangkan Tiwul selalu dan seperti biasanya sibuk memasak di dapur ketika semua orang bercanda dan bersenang-senang di teras rumahnya. Tapi semua itu demi makan malam kami kok he... Lindut, oh she's still the same as always hehe... what can I say bout her but pleaasseeeee finish your study sist!! Mmm.. last but (of course, definitely) not least kamu Luv hehe... kok aku jd deg-deg-an lagi ya... ah Luv, bikin nervous ajah sih.

Ternyata kegilaan semalam dilanjutkan dengan bergosip bersama Ruthless hehe.. sori nek. Ratu gosip sejagat 99 hehe... banyak kabar soal teman-teman. Aduh ada aja yang enggak berubah ya, eh salah, klo buat 99ers sih, ada aja yang berubah ya? hehe... Ruthless mo married bo! eh knapa tanggalnya barengan sama mas Yok seeeh, kami kan jadi marathon besok, aduh gak kebayang deh, dari Boko langsung ke pernikahan selanjutnya. Fiuh!

Matahariku apa kabar?
Dia masih sama, diam dan angkuh. Aku tidak mengerti. Sebenarnya kami pacaran gak sih? soalnya sama aja antara pacaran dan enggak. Hubungan yang "datar" ini semakin membuatku emosi. Meskipun aku udah niat teguh untuk bertahan, meski mempertahankan apa aku juga sudah hilang arah, tapi I just simply don't know how.

But ya, I'll try, as always. Simply because I just love to see him smile at me. Simply because I love to be hugged. Simply because I love to be kissed. Simply because I love to love and be loved--if he truly loves me.


Lost in my own mindset. Love to see you again.

-onk-

letter from Christy

Dear Luv,

I received this letter as I opened my email, and I love it. So I wanna share it with you.

Dear Mia and Pongki,

I just wanted to send a special thank you to both of you, as you have both been so much a part of my life these last five months. (oops. I finally spilled tea on my computer. I knew it would happen sooner or later—don’t worry, just a little bit and just on the screen.)

I remember my first time in the office. Pongki—I think you were out at Agatha or something. And I met you, Mia, and everyone else. For some reason, Mia you seemed very tall to me. I don’t know why. Maybe it was just because you were so impressive.=) And I remember that first night, going to the book fare and losing Pongki, and Mia, you trying to help me find dinner (you did that quite a bit=). It was a first day to remember.

And then the next several weeks, trying to make sense of and understand the reports that needed to be written. I never thought I would get it, but somehow I did, and now I think the form is so ingrained in my being it will take an act of God to get it out. =)

Sorry, this is just a little random, so please forgive the lack of organization.

Mia, I have many memories, riding around on the back of your motorcycle. Most often, for some reason, it seems we were looking for food. Maybe that means that we really value food. What do you think? And I remember being invited by you and your friends for Nasi Kucing, and Candi hunting. Thank you for not being racist, and including me in your activities. =) And I also remember sitting in a very scary becak in Medan, riding through the loud night air, with Mbak Dewi. And hmmm—there are so many things, I don’t know where to start. Swimming at around midnight in Berastagi. Riding in the back of the pickup truck with Pak Sigit driving. Arguing. I don’t remember what about, but I do remember arguing. What did we argue about? I do however remember arguing about the bracelet, and you know what. I think I will remember you so much more when I see that bracelet because of our heated discussion=). Thank you. Mia. For everything. And If you start being killed softly by the weekly reports, pak jenderson, pak Sigit, and anyone or anything else, please let me know and I will try to help!

And Pongki, what I will remember most about you is your very patient and very frequent answers to my translating questions. If I were to count them, I don’t know how many there would be. =) Thank you. And also your music. I have never heard such fascinating music in my life. And thank you for letting me edit the website every so often. That was truly lifesaving after a whole day of translating Mas Kiswanto’s stories (even though I really do like his stories=).

And to both of you, I have several memories. One is a Saturday afternoon, I think we were working on a powerpoint presentation (the 12 week one, maybe?), and only the three of us were in the office. Things got a little crazy. We blasted our music so much that we disturbed the PA next door. And we had just discovered audibles on Yahoo, and we kept on sending them to each other. I don’t know how much work we actually got done, but it sure was a lot of fun. =) And I also remember discussions on prepositions and various translations of various words. Pongki—you usually were much speedier than I was to think of both Indonesian and English words. I really enjoyed our linguistic grammar conversations. I think most people would go to sleep hearing them, but you guys were so very interested and interesting. =)

And there is so much else to tell, but time, computer battery, and space are limiting. My thoughts and prayers are with both of you as you continue in your lives, wherever those may lead you. You are both, in my humble opinion=) extremely talented and dedicated, and I know that you will both do much to change the world for the better whatever you do and wherever you go. And I truly do hope that sometime in the next two years, your path will lead you to Papua. =)

Blessings, dear friends,

Christy